Cliffsmudge: The Blog

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.

Desiderata

Freed from the tyranny of anger and fear, you have turned your face from your troubles to bask in the light of the love and beauty which God sends in abundance.

Now strength returns to your heart, the sap of God’s goodness begins to rise in your spirit. As you rise from the tomb into which you had been sealed, you stand tall and proud, you don the robes of your royal priesthood.

Because you are not here by accident. You are not simply the result of random genetic variations, a life form living beyond its means in a world doomed to imminent extinction. You were called into creation by God before the beginning of time, given a name, every hair counted, every strength and weakness known.

And you were given a purpose, a mission to accomplish. Your task is to be yourself. You think that’s easy? Few people even know who they are. It can take a lifetime to find out. People forget their identity, through education, family pressure, pressure to conform, pressure at work.

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well theyd be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they sent me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man.
Wont you please, please tell me what weve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

What would be the point of a director hiring an actor to play Hamlet if he started playing the part of Claudius? What would happen if a manager sent a player out  as a striker if he hung around with the backs? That’s why it’s so important to be yourself.

We should never be ashamed of who we are. We should never get hung up on our past. Our failures have already been forgiven, all we have to do is to let them go and start afresh.

We are so lucky. We have been given the singular honour of being a part of God’s great production. He knew us and he chose us. This creation, and our part in it, will live forever, will never pass away. Hold your head high. Respect yourself.

Next blog: Be Thankful

Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can’t get

The Eagles – Desperado

If you have been following these posts from the start, you’ll like this. This is the Abracadabra moment. Now something surprising and delightful happens as you turn the tables on your troubles.

Up until now you’ve been focusing on the things that are bothering you. But now that you know how to free yourself from your fear and anger you can take back control. Think the words “Enjoy life“. It sounds almost scandalous to you. A voice in your head says “You are not allowed to enjoy life. Get back to work!” But in the Jewish tradition it is held that enjoyment is mandatory – anything less would be ungrateful.

Actually there is so much to enjoy. Never mind whiskers on kittens, here’s just a few of my favourite things: Tapas and warm red wine, Arkell’s 3B’s, the smell of hyacinths, mist hanging low over water at dawn, sitting outside in Summer and talking late into the night while shooting stars streak overhead, the poetry of E E Cummings, stroking a cat and feeling the radiance of bliss given back from it, music when it reaches up to Heaven, thunder and lightning, loving another.

Dare to say those words “Enjoy life” now. Tear up the old agenda and throw it away. Your new task is to enjoy yourself to the full. Whatever you do, enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it, what are you doing it for?  Do something you enjoy. Listen: you were made to enjoy your life. Remember the parable of the banquet? Now stop making excuses, pull up a chair and tuck in. The feast of life awaits you!

Next blog: Respect yourself.

My peace I leave you, my peace I give you

Trouble not your heart

My peace I leave you, my peace I give you

Be not afraid.

(Taize chant)

This rule is intimately tied up with the previous one, Don’t get angry. It is not a general prohibition on fear, which is an important defence against danger. Rather it is about not having a fearful disposition.

Fear is a terrible weapon to use against people. In superstitious societies it holds people in captivity, in the hands of a manipulating government it can march people into an unwanted war, in advertising it drives people into the saving arms of money and possessions. Fear brings misery.

Soon after recession hit the USA, stories of recession-related suicides hit the headlines: “A man who lost his life savings killed himself yesterday“. On the other side of the world a different story, from the BBC series Beyond The Clouds“: Liu, the village schoolteacher, a man with almost no possessions, a man in love with his work, takes his family to collect wild honey from the hills. They are ecstatically happy.

What is the worst that could happen? And how likely is it? Most fears don’t stand up to analysis. It is not worth one minute of your life worrying about what might never happen. And when you have stopped worrying you can think more clearly about taking action. Many of those who get into debt are too paralysed with worry to take advice on managing their money. So don’t worry – do something about it.

So by now dear Reader you are blessed. You are no longer fearful, which means you can’t be cowed, manipulated or controlled; you have set aside your past grievances and are not troubled by anger, and this liberates you from your chains; you are strong and ready to enjoy life.

Next blog: Enjoy life.

So number one on the list was “Don’t be angry”. I started calling this list “Cliff’s Five Commandments”, by the way. I printed it out and stuck it on my computer monitor at work.

I have to say that until that time my life had been punctuated by anger. I would enjoy a bit of a smooth run and then BAM! our of the blue I was painfully and unfairly hurt by someone, and I got truly, madly and deeply angry. Then, because my anger had nowhere to go I would go into meltdown. This could take weeks. Eventually the fire would burn me up and I would have to begin the slow and hesitant task of rising from my own ashes. I now see a pattern in this and can list the occasions.

But there it was: “Don’t get angry”. I started with the idea I had read in a book by Satish Kumar, that anger is born out of fear. I looked back at times when I had lost my temper and found on each occasion that I had felt myself or my family threatened. I then outlined the worst case scenarios and found them mostly trivial, or at least survivable. The next stage was a shock.

I replayed what went through my mind during my bouts of anger and it dawned on me that I was acting out some role that I thought I should be playing, although I had never chosen that role or consented to it. And what was it? It was a confused mish-mash of Popeye, The Lone Ranger, a couple of lamentable country & western songs, and a libellous re-write of my father’s life. I had let this foul grey lumpy porridge fill my soul. And I thought I was a follower of Jesus Christ! Oh the huge relief when I realised I was not obliged to take part in this onerous poisonous charade. It was like waking up from a bad dream.

So now when I see anger in others I see their fear just underneath. When I feel threatened I remember the instruction given to Kumar’s fellow Jain monks: “If they insult you, be thankful they don’t hit you. If they hit you be thankful they don’t kill you. And if they kill you, your cares are over and you are in heaven.” I know I don’t have to play Mr Angry. I am free to choose not to.

Next blog: Don’t be fearful.

Do you ever get wound up? I do. At least I used to. Then I was given a secret formula that has made my life beautiful again. It’s not valium and it’s not tarmazipam. It’s better than that. I’d like to share my secret formula with you.

First, tell me if this sounds familiar: I was working in a job where I was landed with two impossible workloads and then got the blame when they didn’t get done. The management were always looking out for opportunities to criticise staff, while all they did was attend meetings where they made grandiose pronouncements that totally failed to connect with reality. Meanwhile I had to fend off complaints from the public for the shortcomings of other staff over whom I had no control. This is the recipe for stress. Don’t try it.

One mediocre morning while on the way to work, with the Lord riding in the front passenger seat, as he often does, I was going over my life with him, while he listened and nodded. Then, between Holt and Melksham – I remember this clearly – he gave me five things to remember in order. This is what they were:

1. Don’t get angry
2. Don’t be fearful
3. Enjoy life
4. Respect yourself
5. Be thankful

You’ll be looking at this and saying to yourself: Oh right, ‘Don’t get angry’, that’s easy to say, if I could do that I would have done it already.

But have patience dear Friend and I will explain all – in the ensuing blogs.