So number one on the list was “Don’t be angry”. I started calling this list “Cliff’s Five Commandments”, by the way. I printed it out and stuck it on my computer monitor at work.
I have to say that until that time my life had been punctuated by anger. I would enjoy a bit of a smooth run and then BAM! our of the blue I was painfully and unfairly hurt by someone, and I got truly, madly and deeply angry. Then, because my anger had nowhere to go I would go into meltdown. This could take weeks. Eventually the fire would burn me up and I would have to begin the slow and hesitant task of rising from my own ashes. I now see a pattern in this and can list the occasions.
But there it was: “Don’t get angry”. I started with the idea I had read in a book by Satish Kumar, that anger is born out of fear. I looked back at times when I had lost my temper and found on each occasion that I had felt myself or my family threatened. I then outlined the worst case scenarios and found them mostly trivial, or at least survivable. The next stage was a shock.
I replayed what went through my mind during my bouts of anger and it dawned on me that I was acting out some role that I thought I should be playing, although I had never chosen that role or consented to it. And what was it? It was a confused mish-mash of Popeye, The Lone Ranger, a couple of lamentable country & western songs, and a libellous re-write of my father’s life. I had let this foul grey lumpy porridge fill my soul. And I thought I was a follower of Jesus Christ! Oh the huge relief when I realised I was not obliged to take part in this onerous poisonous charade. It was like waking up from a bad dream.
So now when I see anger in others I see their fear just underneath. When I feel threatened I remember the instruction given to Kumar’s fellow Jain monks: “If they insult you, be thankful they don’t hit you. If they hit you be thankful they don’t kill you. And if they kill you, your cares are over and you are in heaven.” I know I don’t have to play Mr Angry. I am free to choose not to.
Next blog: Don’t be fearful.
subo said,
March 18, 2009 at 7:43 am
i know what you mean Cliff, about the feelings behind anger. i keep trying to remind myself, that it’s important to offer love and care to yourself, as this brings you into a good place from which to enjoy life and others people.
so am totally with you about attending to those feelings, and yet there’s plenty to feel angry about, plenty’s wrong. perhaps if we saved our anger for these situations, things might change?
Cliff said,
March 18, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I used to think so. Now I try to build my house on a rock. S**t happens, but I can’t let that blow me away. -Beginning to sound like Rocky now